(Originally composed circa a month ago...hence the need to start retrospectively reflectin')
And so we meet again...
First and foremost, I don't write for pity, nor do I write for understanding...I write 1) for myself and 2) in reassessing my current situation I always come to the conclusion of how divinely ironic anyone's life is capable of becoming or better said...IS...in this case it just happens to be mine... If wandering eyes happen to prance upon such writings...sure why not...
And as I've mentioned before, one thing I know for damn sure is that I'm gonna have some dope ass stories to pass on as an old woman...
As I lie here in bed this Sunday afternoon a number of thoughts encompass my fingertips (so pardon me if I rattle on a bit)...1) After the last two weeks I am blessed enough to be lying in MY bed 2) I have been forced to live life in leaps of faith and 3)wow...I've still maintained mental sanity...why you ask???...
Peep the synopsis...
Brief vacation in Tampa around 3 weeks ago bred some necessary perspective paradigms leading to a craving for changes...
Welcome back to NY = the "shit" runs rampant...change...drastic change...I asked for it, right???
And it starts...pulling of back, tightening of jaw, development of sinus/ear type infection (never had one...ever...still got it, ughhh)...the wack pretense develops
My father who hasn't spoken to me in about a year calls...leaves a happy-go lucky voicemail similar to that of two friends who haven't spoken in about 2 weeks...
"Jess, jess, jess...how ya doin!??, I know we haven't spoken in a bit.." etc, etc...
Obviously the man is off delusional and off his rocker...but hey...at least I know he's still alive and has yet to commit suicide...
Then it starts reeaaally gettin exciting and the bombs start a' droppin...last Tuesday around 4:30pm I get a call from my ex-roommate (who's parents owned the building)...She hadn't been home in about a month and change and I figured she had been kickin it at her man's crib...not so...instead she let's me know that she's become increasingly ill over the last 3 months (BOOOOM...bomb #1), has developed rhenoids (disease that can become like permanent frost bite - fingers lose circulation in cold, become purple and eventually lead to losing one's fingers..p.s..this is also one of my mom's diseases and one of the main reasons we left NY when I was a wee one)...my roommate...lost fingers (BOOOOM...bomb #2) and with the overall financial mess of the situation her parents lost the house and the bank was foreclosing on that Friday...everyone out. (KAAA-BOOOOOOOM...bomb #3)
I HAVE 2.5 DAYS TO MOVE!!!!...bankrupt...with no family to go to...just myself...but hey, at least I got myself...right??
Naturally I slightly freak out and then (BOOOOM...bomb #4) find out my mother (who gets bruised from even wearing freakin socks...no joke...) was in a car accident...no bueno. But my mom is definitely a force and a G and has a Spartan guardian angel squadron lookin out at all times...
And so, I cry, focus, pack, smoke, drink, cry some more, pack some more, focus, excessively drink and smoke for the remainder of the week...and force myself into a state of numbness..probably not the best move...8.5 hours of sleep within 3 days...not a good look...
One cannot run away from reality, that's when the psychological/moral mess manifests and snowballs...and I had about 2 incidents in particular that went down (BOOOM #5, BOOOM #6)...but gotta keep those under wraps. I can say one thing though...love is within yourself, if you can't find it you're not digging hard enough or maybe those reality blockers clouding your judgement need to be removed so you can see what's already there...I'm re-learning that now...
And so that Thursday night I find out that I'm getting two more days to move =blessing, in lue of my physical and mental state deteriorating. But most of my stuff was packed, so with my extra time I crouched down and sprinted into a leap of faith; i.e...my new living situation....that should be interesting...
(Pause...writing break...)
(I'm back...and it's Thursday eve)
MOVING DAY!...and I wake up to my neighbors on the 3rd floor knockin'...
They're moving into my apt...The lady downstairs is stayin'...The new owner's moving to the 3rd flr...They've been trying to sell the house for months...not fresh...
So I'm homeless for a week...no biggie...good looks to my peoples for letting me crash :)...but the literall plunge down the flight of stairs + current physical ailments...not as fresh...I gotta admit though, in my lying there in incredible pain and exhausture...a chuckle escaped...you gotta laugh at life sometimes, lol...I happen to enjoy dark comedies...ha.
And so comes my health...which at the current moment is kinda creeky...Todayyyyy I got to walk with a lovely cane...Fuck DJ Laz!!! I'm the mothafuckin pimp with the limp!!! hahaha...lol...I kiiid I kiiiid! But yeah...I strutted my way to the doc...and it looks like I got a touch of (touch as in massive) TMJ (possible grinding of teeth...wooohooo for stress), a dab of a sinus infection, and a blossoming heel spur...along with some other immune snags...lol... Life's been real, real...
But guess what...I'm still walkin :)...kinda... :/ lol
"Time to get bloodwork done," - Thought To Self
...with the awareness that my current health is somewhat reminiscent of my mother's early "pre-diagnosed" days...
Lots to ponder...thank you ma & God for showing me how I can prevent getting "diagnosed"...
There's more...I'll leave that for the book...
But ya know...I've been in such "leaps of faith" extraoridnarily unpredictable type situations for the last 3 years at the same exact time of year...first two weeks of May!!! wooo hooo (last week of Nov. also does it...but as opposed to environmental surprises, those tend to be more the humanly interactive emotional diggers).
In remembering...
I prefer to float and drift as opposed to sinking or swimming...
To keep bobbin and weavin'...
And keep breathing and loving...
It'll be aight.
And despite everything including my "seemingly" socially abundant yet indeed solitary lifestyle...people looked out...good looks to all who proved that humanity still exists amongst humans :)...
A transplanted tree grows in Bushwick...
Haha..
Peace friends,
J
P.S. I just talked to my half-brother for the first time in over like 4 years...who's also been through IT...and for damn sure...MY PARENTS WERE FUCKIN WIIIIILIN' BACK IN THE DAY...in-fuckin-tense...and my fam...a movie needs to be made to document the fiber of my plasma aka my wacked out fam, lol...
- © 2009 by Jessica Freites
Do you see this mockery??? What I speak of is the horrid chipped nail polish that my pinky is condemned to. Mind you this tragedy occurred only two days after my mani...but that's what you get for a $6 job right?? What's worse...the fact that I'm complaining about a $6 manicure to begin with. Ahhhh, Americans...the Koreans just can't get it right, can they!! ...I kiiiid, I kiiiid....no, but really as the thought of annoyance spawned in my brain an immediate sense of guilt followed. Specifically for the fact there was a woman on the other end of that "class" table who's subjecting herself by caressing my worn cuticle ridden nailbeds with her worn, thought, work, and life burdened hands adorned in wrinkles and arthritic tendencies. Not to mention trying to find a way to make a facemask look fashionable, subjecting herself to a culmination of chemicals masked as self-esteem enhancers for the next round of hood divas...mind you it was a spot in Bushwick...
P.S. Yes, I was listening to K-os...very happy go-lucky mood I was in...and then...TRAGEDY STRUCK!
