Monday, June 14, 2010

The Assault on Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

For me to write this is almost self-defeating...I shouldn't acknowledge human weakness, right?...actually I should, it's probably one of the only conditions WE all have in common...and this here...this is MY platform, MY stage, MY "connection" to relating, helping YOU help ME...
MY ego might like to believe...

I might just be helping YOU...speaking on behalf of YOU, YOU and YOU...oh and YOU too....making the other YOU maybe step back relax, inhale and prevent your other inner YOU from acting like a blithering idiot...the one standing over there...yeah, HIM...or HER.
But we're all ONE...right?...that's what one of my YOUs is telling me to tell YOU...


My insecure ME is smirking as YOU read this...thank YOU for that.

By definition, 50% of the population is below average -- where intelligence is concerned...look around...which one of YOU is it?

And what kind of intelligence are we talking about here??...the one that got a 1400 on the SATs?...no, no. The one that can memorize and recite formulas and verses and equations
and put to rest the rest of anything taken out of context found in a text-book...or even a text?...

shake...
MY...
head...


Nahhhh, not that one. Wait, wait...lemme think, I almost got it, I feel it, I can't really describe it...I mean, YOUUUUU know?...right? Common sense isn't common and feelings are often the victims of perpetual serial suicide. We hold on to insecurity more than we do love...oh wait, that's cause we can't hold on to love...
it holds on to us,

if it chooses...

Let me rephrase that; we grasp insecurity firmly, violently, passionately pressed to our chest...with nails carving "I LOVE YOU" in so deeply that the pool of blood on the floor leaves us where we started...
alone,
with only a reflection at best...


But yet...
we keep grasping tighter and deeper and longer...Time doesn't even have this much dedication...and our loyalty is measured by our own emotional destruction...

We love to hate love...

We love to hate...ourselves...

MY wrists have converted to jackhammers and now I can barely see the bits of my nailbeds because they're nailed in,
embedded
in-bed-dead
tossing and turning, drowning in red-rum nightmares, hemorrhaging hearts,
cesspool typhoons, thimbled fingers nailing looms,

sewing towels to sop up the mess...fabric smiles to shield, using them to fight...
ourselves and the aborted notions of
future happiness.


Oh insecurity...
emotional intelligence only has so much patience for your antics...


the same insecurity that forces a male to think more with his head's foreskin...
to feel like the MAN upon
penetration,
to say "I Love You's" one day, I never cared the next, let's fuck on the third, and c'mon you always knew you were my favorite...
Let's be together now, before I was scared...
I wasn't sure if you'd always be there, I miss you, I miss your stare...

but wait let me figure out how to keep the others engaged...you know, just in case...you go astray...
I'm still the MAN...they still see me...I don't see them though, it's only you...
I just keep them around to remind me how special you are...
You don't feel the same?...the memory of our lie isn't entertaining to you, you're not amused by my games?
It's a waste of time?...Oh no???

Well fuck you, you're just another chickenhead hoe..anyway...

the same insecurity that has her more concerned with destroying her past lovers love interests than nurturing the self-love which she continues to neglect...
We have so much history, I can't let you leave...
you complete me...
I'm loyal, so loyal I'll kill myself and kill you
all in the name of a love that doesn't even acknowledge absolute truth...
and I'll hold on and grip, and to shreds I will make sure to rip
anything that destroys my wedding bell dreams...
even if the memory of we is really a nightmare...

even if it means you hating me and me hating you
but it doesn't matter cause as long as I own you
in my playhouse then I can play house and pretend there's a we and to be the woman
I will never know as me...


the same insecurity that has my ethnic brethren chillen at the bottom of economic stepladders because a pair of fly kicks and stacks fatter than the content of our gray matter is what really matters...right?...
Let them know how proud you are, how loud you can scream
BORICUA!! DOMINCANO!! LATINO!!...
let them know how loud your bass thumps, how to thump on your children's temples and self-esteem,
how to instill...fear...
how to have THE MAN fear you...
just make sure you clock in on time so THE MAN can keep feeding you...

Make sure your hair and nails are done,
the gold on your chest lies precisely in sight...the gems in your ears make me you a conquistador queen...

You just haven't conquered how to feed your children food that won't poison their Spanglish tongues and not turn them into
illiterate fiends....


Insecurity, the imaginary best friend we never had...

In-Security; i.e., NON-Secure...Does that make any sense???? holding on to the non-secure???...

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. "

-Benjamin Franklin


And yet these insecurity cycles continue...we see them in every aspect of society...every human, every culture, every generation, every relationship, every YOU, every ME, every WE...and we embrace them more than truth...we fight wars over them, we commit "crimes of passion" over them, we raise future emotional terrorists because of our need to project these wounds onto the exact beings which are supposed to be products of our "love" and in doing so we continue to fail miserably on the Emotional Intelligence scale. We forget that love predates us...It is not dependent upon our definition. We must learn its definition, we must live its definition...even if we can't write a 1500 word SAT essay on it.

It exists with or without YOU...it is not conditioned upon us and our insecurities...which means it is bigger than and more powerful than ALL of us...


Let love condition YOU...



- © 2010 by Jessica Freites

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